liyana,

I thought I saw Justin Bieber throwing punches in the kickboxing ring. It turned out to be a pretty looking bloke Jeraya doing all necessary punching and uppercuts, not to mention knee kicks to win the battle. The other guy lost, so it doesn’t matter if I didn’t catch his name.

Violence. It worried me a little when you wanted to try Muay Thai.

Of course for you it was simply for fitness purpose. You already had a personal trainer (some beef cake whose name I have forgotten) and gym club memberships. Well, who doesn't. I still think it is a waste of money but we are not getting into that fight again.

But I remembered not being very keen when you talked about Muay Thai. All your tenderness, I thought.

‘liyana means tenderness. In Arabic,’ I said one night.

I know violence. They don’t teach you this in school, but that is where you learned it from. Despite staying clear from the fight scene, I have been flying-kicked to the ground by a kid who thought he knew karate. I was barely twelve years old then. Teachers are trained not to take it seriously when things like that happened in a school’s gym.

But I had my fair share of sheer stupidity of behaving recklessly. I accidentally hit someone’s face with my knee-cap and his nose bled. I punched a friend in the gut just for the fun of it. And someone had done a collar-choked on me when I stood my ground in a fight like all boys were supposed to do. I later worried that the teachers were going to summon my parents and I was going to be caned in public.

We had gangs at my high school. I always had to watch my back.

I fought for a girl once. I threw a punch that dislocated someone’s jaw to make a point. I was told it was a very macho thing to do. But it was ugly. The girl cried because she was hassled afterwards. Girls and boys, they are all the same. They are bullies, the little league of gangs.

And you liyana, happily tried your hands at rifle shooting.

I know I am old-schooled and even chauvinistic sometimes, I would rather have you dancing up the pole than indulging these imitation games of violence under the pretext of self–defense and fitness regime. 

Which you, who softened at my tender words, just couldn’t care less. 

chairil