liyana,

You said that I will always be there. With you. In your sanctuary.

Where nobody else would know.

You said that I shall never disappear from you.

You said that we will only find each other again.

And I had no slightest idea of how to leave you.

What have we done to ourselves that parting is almost impossible. Even when we wanted to.

That decent guy, who took you away from me, clearly had no idea how to treat you right. How to love you best. He could imitate, or pretend to be me (that was what he fooled you with), he was never me in the first place.

He failed to see you through my eyes. The only thing that you have always wanted.

And I think he knew that.

It was one of the sorrowful periods in your life. I heard it in your voice. You were at your most vulnerable too.

liyana, I could not stand the thought of you in despair by this nonsense that he made you go through. You deserved so much better. He was not at all worthy of you.

All I did was simply telling you to give your heart a rest; it had been broken enough.

That was all it took before everything blew up. (Funnily enough, I was ready to smash his face should he ever come around. Instead, he took it out on you like a pitiful little coward he is.)

liyana, as always our fights were very nasty. And blistering.

This time it was worse because you blamed yourself. You said your thoughts were poison. They were hurting you and the people around you. And you shut all communications with me.

liyana,

I never had a chance to tell you how much it hurts to hear you speak that way. It broke my heart that you had forgotten what a wonderful person you were. And when you ran away taking it all on your shoulder, I felt helpless.

Of course, I could have been right all along, you knew that. I may have won the battle, but I did not want to lose the war.

I did not want to lose you.

chairil