Chapter 38:

From Heart to Heart

I received a call from Norman prior to that day.

"Marina...it's me," said Norman as soon as I picked it up.

He used a different number, but I recognized that voice right when I heard it.

"Hi...Mmm...Norman?" I pretended guessing.

"Wow! You still remember my voice?" said Norman in disbelief. I could feel it he was amazed by that.

"It's not like we've been knowing each other for just one day," I laughed.

"So, what's up, Norman?" I asked him bluntly. Since the last time I met him at the airport the other day, I had made a promise to myself that had I ever met with him again in the future, I would treat him just like I treated others. Nothing special.

Norman did not answer me right away. He went silent as night.

"Norman? Helo?" I thought we were disconnected.

"Can we meet for a moment, Marina?" Norman asked me, out of the blue.

I could hear a firm and insisting tone behind the voice, it's like he had finally got all the bravery he needed.

"What is it about, Norman?"

"There's something I really need to talk to you." he answered, calm and collected. I did not give him a 'yes' right away, of course. 'Busy at work' once again being the go to excuses for me to keep postponing it. Two days later, Norman tried to reach me again, but I declined the phone call. I did it on purpose though- to keep my focus on Hey because I knew well that Norman's call was more of an emotional one that might carry me away and steal my focus if I had not been careful with it. Only after I was done with all my works that day that I finally texted him something. I apologized to him for not returning his calls and when he replied, I agreed to meet him and just like that, a date with an ex was set.

I felt all sorts of hesitance as I was walking to the place we promised to meet with each other. As I saw him, I could tell that there was a different Norman standing in front of me. It was not Norman that I had known before and certainly not Norman that I recently bumped into at the airport. He looked quite messy, external and internally. I knew something was bothering his mind. We were mostly just being silent, at first. AWKWARD- was probably the best word to describe that situation. But somehow, I knew it that it was all probably from the dark history that we shared together. We slowly taken it step by step before the actual conversation took place.

"So you seem to enjoy your life now Marina. Happier than ever." Norman started.

"Really? Is it too obvious?" I rubbed my face, trying to make it humorous to cut the tension around us.

"It is..." he said, laughing at my acts.

Phase by phase, our conversation becoming deeper and deeper. Started with our careers to family matters and friendships to current affairs.

Along the conversation I noticed Norman was smiling a lot and he seemed really into it. But at some points though, I could also see it that he was being calculative, of the right time to tell me everything that his heart was bearing since the beginning of the meet up. Come the right moment I knew he would spill everything on the table. Norman that I knew was not someone who would ask me for a date just to casually talk about each other's lives. I knew there was a huge glacier under the water and what I was seeing up until that moment was just the tip of it. 

For a moment, we were both silent. Running out of topics to talk about.

"Norman. Why do you ask me out today, to be honest?" I went straight to the point eventually.

He took a deep breath and a long silent moment. His face turned serious this time, like his ego had just been shattered down yours truly. He grabbed the orange juice in front of him and slowly finished it off.

"Marina," I could see it from the corner of my eyes that he was staring straight to my face. But he quickly turned his gaze onto the table when I repaid the stare. He could be nervous or could it be that he was being shy about it. Either way I did not know what was coming my way, until he asked me something... "Can... we both be like...uhmm...how we used to be?". He said in a descending and choppy voice, as was my sight hearing that. "We can fix what we've done wrong," he added.

Those words came out of his mouth like a thunder to me. In an instance I could feel like a hot rush of blood was flowing trough my face. I was shocked and deep inside I knew just how much anger my heart tried to suppress. But I did not know how, or why, I managed to stay silent and not answering that question or 'offer' right away.

'You were the one who left this relationship and then what? One day you got bored and so you decided to come see me and tell me that we should get back together  again? What are you thinking? Like this is some business contract or something?!!' My heart just could not stop cursing on him. Had I not have the slightest patience that I had that time, I would have shouted those words all over his face.

"Be back together again?" I asked him, after a hot minutes of calming myself down.

"Yes," Norman nodded. This time he manned himself up to look at me straight on the eyes again.

While me, I tried my best to stay calm and collected. In my head, I was searching for the right answer for him. Something safe.

"In all honestly Norman, I don't see if there is anything we should fix about. Everything has come to an end. The phase where we were an item is...over," I said to him.  "We might as well just be friends."

"But..." Norman tried to interrupt.

"Norman. We must acknowledge that there was love in between us. But obviously it was not strong enough to keep us together. Maybe we just crossed path so that we'd learn better about ourselves."

Norman took a little sigh.

"I never hated you, Norman. But I don't think this relationship is going to work for both ends. There are just so many things that might slowly kill us if we be together."

I admit, that meeting with Norman had reminded me of those beautiful episodes between us back then. It did cross in my heart the possibility of me changing my mind and giving him a second chance.

'Hmmm...No! No way!'

I though we had both straightened things up in that meeting. All was crystal clear now and we were through with each other. However instead of it becoming the last episode of this Norman-Marina saga, it might have just started a new one. The very next day, I received a call from an unknown number and as usual, nothing made me panic than receiving a call from a number I did not save. The struggle was real.

"This must be Norman! It's just another trick so I would not reject his call or just let it ring all day long," I said to Miss B, as we were both going through the list of hot topics in Japanese magazines.

"Miss B...Help me please..." I said to Miss B who by the way had just been discharged by the hospital. She was no longer contracting H1N1.

"Help with what?"

"This unknown call. Would you please answer it for me?" I showed her the phone's screen.

"So you want me to pretend being the 'front desk' for this phone?"

"Can you? Pleeeease!" I made a sad puppy face nobody could resist.

"Huh! Give me the phone! And stop with that face already!"

Miss B grabbed the phone on my hand and answered the call.

"Hello..." answered Miss B. "Oh no, this is not Marina. I'm her assistant," Miss B winked her eye to me. She might think she deserved an Oscar for that. "Marina? I'll check if she's available right now. Please hold."

"It's a lady," whispered Miss B to me.

"A lady? What's her name?"

"Sarah...she sounds like like our mothers. Now take this!"

Miss B returned the phone to me.

"Hello"

"Hello. Is that Marina?" asked the lady.

"Yes I am..." I answered hesitantly.

"It's me. Saerah," Oh God! I felt like my heart dropped once I heard the name. The old stories of me, Norman and Saerah were flashing right through my eyes.

****

Puan Saerah menghubungi aku dan menyatakan hasratnya untuk berjumpa denganku. "Hmmmm... ini sudah tentu mengenai Norman," kataku kepada Miss B selepas dia menamatkan panggilan.

From afar, I could see Saerah standing statuesquely at the centre of the lobby, with the latest issue of Marie Claire in her hands, unbothered with the other passers-by. 'Hmm...she's kind of weird,' I said to myself when I noticed there were still many seats available around her. However she did looked attractive and poise in that position and I could see she was being a centre of attention there. Many eyes were on her and some even turned their heads passing her. 

Saerah contacted me and told me that she really wanted to meet me.

"Hmmm...this must be about Norman," I told Miss B after the call ended.

"Well it looked like she is really caring for you."

"Not so fast. I mean yes...this could be about both Norman and I. But trust me, Norman was her only focus that motivated her to come here today. Not me. She was just fulfilling her son's wish."

I walked slowly towards Saerah. If people could hear what I was hearing, they might say that I was crazy. But in my head I felt like there was a voice whispered to me..."Go see her! Kiss her hand! Hug her! Don't forget to smile."

She recognized me almost instantly. Judging by how she was just not giving a single care about the passers-by, I wondered what made her be able to detect my attendance so quickly. 'A God-given sixth sense? Or maybe the law of attraction is in its full force?' I thought to myself. 

'Ah I should not be thinking about these things right now. Now THAT is something I must think about...' I was referring to her ear to ear smiles to me. That was weird. 'Is this really the Saerah that I knew before?' I smiled back to her anyway.

"Marina..." she greeted me. We shook hand and hugged with each other, like two diplomat wives on a diplomatic visit.

"Oh Marina...I really miss you," she looked to me right in the eyes.

"Me too. It's been a while..." I replied.

'Wow. Two hypocrites in full characters at the centre of a lobby,' my heart whispered, not buying Saerah's friendliness one bit.

"You looked different now Marina..."

"Oh am I? What about it?"

"You looked very thin. And exhausted. Must be the stress from work, huh?" she sounded caring.

"Maybe," I answered.

"Marina, let's go out for a drink? My treat!"

I accepted her invite and we both headed out to a restaurant in CapSquare.

"Marina. Let me go straight to the point. I'm here today to talk to you about Norman."

"To be honest, I was not quite sure what has happened between you both. But it seemed like you and him are no longer on the same boat."

"Well you can say it like that," I responded.

"I know my son very well Marina..."

'Oh no. She's going to back his boy up!' my heart screamed.

"He's still so naive about many things, Marina. He may looked matured to the world but trust me there are just a lot of things require explanation to him," Saerah laughed a little bit, remembering his son's behaviour, maybe. "I'm not surprised if he is behaving like he doesn't care about people's feeling so much, or not being sensitive enough, or even taking everything easy more than how he should be. He's still on self discovery. And I could see it from the beginning that you both were not going to make it."

"You could..." I was pretty surprised by what she said just now. That was the first time I heard her talking in such a mature and humble manner.

"But that doesn't mean that you both are not meant for each other. Marriage is a full time job. Both sides must be aware and understand the point of the relationship and then  evaluate themselves whether or not they are ready for such commitments and times."

I knew Saerah was telling me that from the deepest part of her heart. From her own experience. I realized that this was the part that I had forgotten about her. She was this strong lady who had seen and went through enough in the marriage life. Norman's father was actually someone who had many dark sides and at times I wondered if Norman would also be going down the same rabbit hole.

However, his father never neglected them both. He would make sure their welfare were always taken care of.

I continued that heart to heart conversation with Saerah until the very moment I had to get back to work. We spent that short time mostly talking about the willingness to sacrifice our time in reaching the point of a marriage.

"I'm sorry, but I have to get back to work now."

"Oh yes, sure! Go now. I don't want to cause you any trouble for being late."

"Thank you."

"You are most welcome, Marina. Please, think about what I said just now," Saerah reminded me.