I was very ecstatic when I received a news from Chan that I, together with The Urban Fruits and few other staffs from Hey would be sent off to Singapore to attend the South East Asia's biggest music award night.

"All of you will give a coverage straight from the venue," added Chan.

Right at that moment we just could not stop fantasizing about all of the fun we were going to have as soon as we step into the Max Pavillion, the venue where the award ceremony would take place. What made it even more exciting was the chance to see or if luckier, to even rub shoulders with all the big stars we were expecting to be there.

"Siti Nurhaliza, Agnes Monica, Sleeq, Regine Velasquez...ahh and so many more!" Miss B was listing out all the stars she was hoping to meet.

"Hey Marina...you don't seem to be enjoying this whole Singapore trip news at all. Do you?" asked Miss D as I was looking for a cellophane tape in the drawer. At the time, I had just arrived to the office.

"Off course I do! I really wish I will lock eyes with Ariel Peterpan!" I said to Miss D casually.

"Oh wow! Look at this girl next door!" added Miss D with her hands on the hips, trying to tease me.

"What? Why not? There is nothing wrong with it right? It's not like I'm going to..." my cheeky response to Miss B suddenly stopped as my eyes were caught by something on my table. It's a card. My heart skipped a bit after I read the notes in that maroon coloured card which by the way, was wide opened!

Marina,

I wish you can spare some time to come to my house at Bukit Timah, Singapore on this March 15th, at 8pm.

Daniel.

Miss B and Miss D giggled a little bit as they saw my confused face after I read the notes in the card. Now I was certain that they both had surely read them too before I reached the office. I was very embarrassed with that situation. There was no mirror around me, but I knew it my face was as red as a lobster. In my mind I was pinching all over Daniel's face for not putting the card properly in an envelope.  'Why did you leave the card wide opened Daniel! Now everyone might have read it! Oh gosh....!' my heart screamed.

"All of you are invited as well, right?" I tried to make it less awkward by asking Miss B and Miss D about the invitation, only to make it worse.

"We aren't. But it's okay we know our place, Marina. We are nobody..." said Miss B, looking at Miss D before they both gave me a good laugh. A couple minutes after, Miss R entered the space.

"Ha! I bet you guys must be talking about the Singapore event right?"

"Well of course! But you know, there is just another thing besides the event that is going to be so interesting in the Singapore trip?" Miss B trying to make it sensational.

"What is it?" Miss R asked whilst squeezing her forehead to Miss B. Miss D pointed her lips to me. Miss R quickly turned her head to me and the card I was holding, followed by a naughty smile. I was certain that Miss R had known the content of it too.

"I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky!" Miss B sang the infamous Kylie Minogue song. "We've been around for so long but never got invited to even an afternoon tea, what's more to a house dinner!"

"You are right Miss B! She's so lucky...she's a star..." Miss D took turned with now a Britney Spears's hit.

"What are you guys talking about? Hush hush let's get back to work!" I could only say that to cut this fiesta of them teasing me. To be quite honest, I was on cloud nine when I read the notes at first, but very soon pulled so quickly to the ground back by the fear of all the possibilities that might happen there. And Marina being Marina, my anxiety kicked in so rapidly.

Daniel was probably thinking to make a small move with this invitation, but it actually held a significant weight.  What he was doing could result to something with a bigger impact. every time I was by myself, I could not stop thinking about me being the centre of conversation of his family soon after I departed from their house.

- In the guest room ("Look, that actress is  wearing the same dress as Marina!")

- In the dining room ("The way this girl eating  reminds me of that girl Daniel once brought  home. What's her name...Maria? Marina?)

- In the courtyard ("I really can't look at that  big stone. It will remind me of the girl,  Marina, Daniel brought home the other day.  Her dress stuck on it and she fell down on  her knees! Hahaha...")

That night, soon as I got home I went straight to Gina for her opinion about Daniel's invitation.

"What do I do now?" I asked Gina.

"Are you going or not?" asked Gina back, with her eyes locked on the TV and her mouth was non stop munching her favourite banana chips.

"I don't know. My heart says yes! Go! But...I don't know..."

"So what are you worried about?" responded Gina, with her eyes still on the screen.

"His family, Gina."

"What about his family?"

"They..." I hesitated a little bit. "They 'intimidate me'."

"What? Why? Are they from the planet of the apes?" asked Gina with a square face, still munching.

I pinched her arm for that. "Silly you!"

"Ouch! Well then what makes you chicken out?" she responded.

"You know these people...they are a very well off family. Their status is very different from mine..."

"That's it? It's because they are somebody and rich?" Gina turned around to me.

I nodded fast, with huge lines on my forehead.

"You are making me so confused, Marina. As far as I concern, these whole different status or wealth things have never got to you before. You never cared for them. Think about Norman...isn't he around the same status with Daniel?"

"I know...and that's why I feel quite anxious this time around."

"You are having a phobia. Am I right?" guessed Gina.

"I'm not sure...But to be honest I've been having this in my mind since forever! Even before Norman happened to my life. I believe that whenever or if ever I am seeing someone who is from a much different status with mine, something bad might happen. I will sooner or later have a crisis either with him or with his family.

"Are you sure your theory is true, and working?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure about it. But if possible I would love to meet someone who is of the same level with me or my family. Or it could be even less, because my family we just don't care about this whole status issue. I think you're right Gina. Relationship with Norman did make me a little bit in phobia to get more serious with Daniel."

"Or it could be that you are just being too carried away with all the dramas on TV? You know Marina, from my experience most of the people with such high status were never like what we imagined them."

"You think so? But what if it turns the other way with me?"

"Well first thing first I think if anyone is so snobbish, so mean and very disrespectful towards other people, it could be that they are the ones who are actually not there yet. Because real rich and high status people are normally not like that. They have class and manners, as far as I could see. It's those who are pretending to be rich or newly become one that cares about the status so much," said Gina to me with a disgusted expression, before she looked back on the screen, and opened another pack of banana chips.

"So what do you think I should do!?" I asked her again. This time I shook her body to get her attention and opinion.

"I think you should go to his family and kiss them on their feet."

"Gina stop fooling around! I'm serious..."

"Oh God...I was serious! Go to his house as per the invite, and just enjoy the free dinner. If you think you can't get along with them, then just surrender it. Don't you dare to communicate with Daniel again anyhow. Through electronic, paper, or worst a direct face to face communication. Put him behind as your history!"

"I think you are being too extreme and  dramatic now. He's my boss you silly!"

"Remember Marina, it's you who put yourself in the situation. Why didn't you do a little deeper research about his background before you decided to fall for him? You made him feel special, you played hard to catch like a dove, you shared everything about you with him etcetera etcetera, and now you doing this?"

"Excuse me, when did I make him feel special? That's an unfair accusation on me. Don't blame me if he's the one falling for me first!" I became defensive when Gina said that.

"I'm not blaming you, Marina..." Gina laughed seeing me being a little emotional. "Okay, I was just kidding all right?" said Gina before she inhaled a very deep breath and seemed like she's about to school me then and there. "Look, Marina...don't be afraid to try again, all right? You are not going to lose anything for trying it again this time around. I don't want you to regret anything later just because you are being clouded by all the dark images in your head," said Gina trying to comfort me.

I spent the whole weekend doing nothing but thinking. Of course, it's about Daniel and his invitation to his family house soon. What Gina said to me about this status issue kept resonating in my ears. I knew, this whole status issue was such an outdated issue. Make this as a theme for any films now and you might see empty halls in the cinemas. It was just not relevant. People had becoming more open minded about it and this life status issue itself was actually something full of dynamics. It was not uniform. It did not have a solid ground. However, for me and many others it was still carrying some weights and because of that, Gina's saying was not making me any less anxious.

***************************

As soon as I was done with my work covering the music event, the Urban Fruits and I took some time to stroll around the Singapore city. Right after that, I rushed back to the hotel to get ready for the dinner in Daniel's family house in Bukit Timah. As I was getting ready, Miss B, Miss D and Miss R were really enjoying their moments teasing me around. It was not only about me and Daniel, but also about the hat with grapes embellishments that I wore to the event earlier. It had become their laughing stock, obviously.

Ten minutes before eight, Daniel showed up in the hotel lobby to fetch me up.

"You said the dinner is going to be at eight. Aren't we late already?"

I asked Daniel right after I got into his car. Being late made me more anxious.

"Why? If we are late, you think they are going to scold us?" Daniel replied.

I just smiled at that and it did relieve me a little bit, whilst Daniel speeding up his car to Bukit Timah.

All of the sudden, on the way there, when we did not make any conversation, the memories of when Norman and I were still together seeped into my brain.

It happened a couple years ago, in Times Square when we were attending a party thrown by G&G magazine there, at a request of his mother.

"Here we are," said Norman to me. But all I did was just staying in the car, not making a single move except for my blinking eyes.

"Fine Marina, I know you did not want to come. But can we just be there for a second and say hello to everyone we know?"

I remained silent. It was actually a protest to Norman for not telling me about this event in prior. I thought he was taking me for a dinner in Taipan.

"Look, I know you don't like it. But it's my mum and I have promised her to show up."

"Yeah right! Going to such a glamorous party wearing just a sweater and an old pair of sneakers!" I raised my foot a little bit to show him the sneakers.

"I'm sorry Marina. But please..." Norman kept persuading me. Well I was actually not that kind of woman who like to protest on anything silly, but I really did not appreciate what he just did. Bringing me to such a prestigious social event and I was not mentally ready nor properly dressed for it and even more, his mum Mrs. Saerah also is going to be there. What is she going to say seeing me like this? I don't want to embarrassed her, and especially myself! However a few moments later, and I did not know what mantra has Norman put on me, I said yes to him.

"All right. All right...let's just finish this quickly," I said to Norman.

We were walking into the Time Square and went straight to the space where the party took place. Moving closer, I could hear Edith Piaf number was being performed by a jazz trio group. There were also rows of portrait by renowned photographers from the sixties to late nineties being exhibited left and right.

I saw the people around me, they were just so stunningly dressed up. And I noticed it as well that some of them stole a look on me looking at me up and down with such judgmental faces. Well I did not blame them. I was aware that I was not dressing up to the code and and what I put on was very far from at least being safe for any events like that. I took a glance at the first mirror I saw there and I was totally like an alien that night.

"Marina! This way!" my focus on the mirror was distracted when Norman pat my shoulder hardly.

"Ouch! Norman! Could you be a bit more gentle?"

Norman waved at someone probably at her fifties in a very tasteful white dress.

"Mummy!" shouted Norman.

Yup. That's Mrs. Saerah, Norman's mother. A former actress who has long left the industry, but not the glam and glitz of it, as she was still making appearance in many events like this, probably due to her elegant personality and style.

Mrs. Saerah waved back to Norman. I believed she did not see me standing a few inches away from him, because I was pretty sure, her eyes were only on Norman.

Norman quickly got to her and hugged her glass-hour figured body. I was feeling a little bit invisible there as she did not seem like she was going to hug me next. But I took the time of these mother-son moment to take a look at her whole figure.

Gosh! I could not deny it. She was such a very stunning lady. Beautiful, ageless and just all and all a very elegant human being. Her cheek bones… her eyes… they were to die for!

"How are you honey?" she asked his son.

"Never better mummy. You?" replied Norman.

Well to be quite honest I almost cracked a big laugh right then and there because it seemed like they had not met each other for quite some times. But as far as I could remember, it was just only four days ago that he went to visit her. It was very funny but I just bit my tongue, not to be rude or anything.

"Marina..." Mrs. Saerah softly greeted me, after a solid eight minutes of me standing there like a mannequin.

"Mrs. Saerah..." I got closer to her and gave her a warm hug. She smelled like a million dollar.

"How are you, madam?"

"Oh I'm good...Nice outfit!"

"Thank you, Mam..." I replied with a smile on my face. Deep inside I questioned whether it was actually a compliment or a sarcasm. I meant how can a sweater and a pair of sneakers be beautiful outfit, especially for an event like that?

Throughout the event, I was not really being sociable or talkative. I was just observing Mrs. Saerah and her friends most of the times. Norman? Well he was too busy chatting with some boys he knew. At some points, Mrs. Saerah's friends had annoyed me with some questions.

"Oh yea Marina. So how is Zara Murad?" asked Mrs. Jess.

"She's okay so far"

"Having fun working with her?"

"Yes I am," I nodded.

"Really? I heard she's very hard to pleased?" Mrs. Nadia butted in. That made me smile and before I could answer it, Mrs. Jess shot with me another question.

"Are you interested to be an actress, Marina?"

"Oh I don't think so. I think I takes so much effort and time. Moreover it's not my cup of tea at all."

"Well fair enough. Everything must start off with a passion in it. Followed by a talent and charisma. These are crucial for anyone deciding to be an actor. As for Marina, I think she's meant to be working in the office. I don't see a complete package in her to be an actress..." said Mrs Saerah, followed by laughter from her friends.

"Oh Saerah stop teasing her!" said Madam Nadia, pinching Madam Saerah gently.

'What did she just say? I don't have a complete package? Is that necessary to say that in front of me? Be patient Marina...Be patient...Take a deep breath!' I told myself.

"Well...I'm very much aware that I don't have a talent in acting or alike. So we work with what we have don't you think?" I just played it along with the situation, not wanting to create any scenes.

"Yes! Exactly! Such a great future in law you have here Saerah. But you are right about her not having the right package," added Mrs. Jess.

'Oh my god! This is such a mental torture! When is this going to end?' my heart screamed.

"Here we are Marina," Daniel burst my bubble.

"Wow! How fast!"

"Well, it's Singapore," Daniel laughed. "Let's go!"

I stepped out of the car slowly and looked around. It was so beautiful and I was so amazed with the glowing coming from hundreds and hundreds of garden lights.

"There you are, Mr. Daniel. Please come in," the maid ushered us into the house. Daniel introduced the maid who I believed was at her forties to me as Teh.

"Where are the rest, Teh?" asked Daniel.

"They are in the family room. Come, come...Miss Marina, please come in," she welcomed me with smile.

'She knows my name, I see. Well obviously Daniel must have told everyone in this house about me. Even the maid knows my name,' whispered my heart.

They brought me to the family room and Daniel introduced me to everyone in there. The father, Mr. Darius, the mother Mrs. Karina and Daniel's younger sister,  Sarah.

"Welcome to our house, Marina. Shall we go to the dining room now? Don't worry, there's a TV there. We can watch news there and you won't get bored," said Mrs. Karina jokingly.

'Watching news? Is she being serious?' I thought to myself. But I let it go so fast as I did not want it to feed my anxiety.

"Marina. I heard that you are originally from just across the causeway, is it true?" asked Mrs. Karina soon as the maid did the food serving.

"That's true. I was born and raised there."

"Are your parents still around?"

"Yes they are. Still healthy and vibrant, just like both of you," the whole family was laughing at my response. Which was great just as I intended, to loosen things up a little bit.

"Maybe one day we can all visit your family there and you can accompany me shopping around?" asked Sarah.

"Consider that a deal!" I agreed.

"So Marina...How do you like publishing industry so far?" asked Mr. Darius.

"It's interesting! I'm enjoying it so far. But I am just an office girl there so clerical works are mostly what I have been doing so far. But sometimes I have got to help with the editorial as well and I had a blast."

"Well maybe in the future you will get to do more of it."

"I hope so... Talking about editorial, I wonder what is your secret Mr. Darius, that Rainbow remains a favourite until today?"

"A secret? No secret at all!" he replied. But from the smile I knew there are just a lot of things in his mind at that moment.

"Hmmm there must be some secrets to that. By the way I did not expect it that you and Daniel would be quite similar. Very secretive!" I said it, but with teasing intonation to it, not to make it sound rude.

Daniel gently kicked my leg as a sign that I should stop pulling off his legs in front of his family. Mrs. Karina and Sarah both were simply smiling looking at these men who seemed like they had lost for words.

"Well to be frank Marina, if you have the capital or resources already, starting any publication is not a rocket science." Mr. Darius continued. "But to sustain it in the market is much harder than everything else.

"I see..." I nodded.

"To stay relevant in this era of high technology, many publishing houses have failed that struggles. For us in the industry, not a day goes by without being alert and worried sick about the fast changing landscape of the media and people's behaviour in seeking information, due to rapid changes in technology," continued Mr. Darius.

"But to me, there is still the light in the end of the tunnel for these magazines because they are very important in our civilization. They are like...an icon," I replied. It just came out unplanned even I wondered where was this opinion came from.

"I like this kind of optimism. To be more specific Marina, there are three components that play the most important roles in magazine publishing. Editorial, advertising and distribution. If any one of these components collapses, so will the magazine."

"I see...but can you please explain it further, Mr. Darius?"

"One of the most important part of any magazine publication is of course, the content. People buy a magazine because the content is good and interesting. Then comes the next most important factor, which is advertising. It generates big money for the publishing house, other than the sales of the magazine itself. As we all know it, stability in finance is crucial to any business right? Last but not least, distribution. Making sure your magazines are being sold in the right location is as important as the previous factors. You can print hundred thousands copies of magazines per month, but if they are invisible in the market, hardly obtainable, then what's the point? They must be highly accessible including in the digital world. That's why a solid distribution department is crucial in the company. Now if these three sectors are performing, it's going to be easier to sustain in the market."

"And don't forget, to hire hardworking employees like you," added Mrs. Karina. I stole a look at Daniel, who's looking at me with a cynical smile.

We talked about a lots of things throughout the dinner. From magazine business to inflation, from things as light as celebrities gossips until heavy political stuffs, we were not short of a topic at all. From starters to deserts.

"Thanks Marina, for making it to my house tonight." said Daniel as we departed the house to send me back to the hotel.

"Well, thank you too, for having me here tonight. I love the neighbourhood though."

"They like you..."

I had nothing to say but to just smile to that. I hoped he's not only telling me that to sugarcoat anything. I hoped his family really liked me.

Talking about them, apparently they were very nice and friendly. I was touched by their kindness as well as their moderation in life. However I admit it that I was still feeling a little bit uncomfortable. I was being reminded again and again in my mind about their status.

I guessed what people said about how we think, or what we have in mind could influence us big time in this life was nothing but a truth. These thoughts could be transformed into so many images that would later control our mind and action. Take myself as an example, even though their treatments to me tonight was amazing, it's still hard for me to remove these less than positive images I made up about them in prior and make space for the reality, which was much much better than what I predicted.

But one thing for sure, I left the house with a big smile on my face.

__________________________________________________________

© Kid Haider

© KID HAIDÉR

© KidHaider

© KIDHAIDÉR

© Mohamad Khidir Bin Mohamed Yazir

© Mohamad Khidir Mohamed Yazir

© Khidir Bin Mohamed Yazir 

© Khidir Mohamed Yazir 

© Khidir M. Yazir