Day 6 (January 6): The "I Was So Sure I Had It Together" Moment

Looking through old photos today, and let me tell you—what I thought was wisdom in my 20s looks more like wishful thinking now. I was convinced I had it all figured out. The world was my oyster, and all I had to do was put on a suit and look busy. Ah, the good old days when I thought I could just “wing it” and still look like I was in control.

Fast forward to 39, and I can’t even remember the last time I wore a suit without at least two things—maybe three—going wrong. (I mean, how does the dry cleaner lose your favorite shirt, right?) But here I am, a full-fledged adult with kids, a job at Telekom Malaysia, and a mounting stack of to-do lists. Life is a juggling act now, and the balls are my kids’ school projects, my wife’s ongoing list of “small home improvements” (which is basically code for “things that will consume half of my weekend”), and my own sanity.

When I was younger, I romanticized being an “adult.” I thought it meant freedom, power, and making all the decisions. Instead, I’m now making decisions about whether to spend the weekend fixing a leaking pipe or trying to convince a nine-year-old that he does not need another video game. Spoiler alert: I’m losing that battle.

But here’s the thing. As much as I miss the carefree days of singlehood—when my biggest dilemma was whether to get another cup of coffee or catch an extra hour of sleep—I’m learning that this stage in life, even with its chaos and constant mess, is a lot richer. I know more, feel more, and, in some ways, I think I’m finally starting to get it. Parenthood is the ultimate test of patience and growth, and while I don’t have all the answers, I’m pretty sure I’m in the middle of figuring out what truly matters.

I’ll be honest, though—I’m still learning how to balance this. But I’ve got a whole year ahead of me, so maybe by 40, I’ll actually feel like I’m "adulting" in a way that doesn’t involve negotiating bedtime with a 5-year-old.

Reflecting on this, I realize that I might have a lot more figured out than I think. Maybe the key isn't about having it all together—it’s about figuring out how to keep going when you don't.