I spent a lot of time at Dr. Love. I was lucky because Ally was willing to listen, his flexible work schedule allowed me to attend the 'therapy sessions' he gave me for free.

Although he was not a certified psychologist, I believed talking to him could help me to get out of the door of the fantasy world that I created for so long.

        "Hmm... The fantasy door you created?" Asked Gina in surprise when I told her about what I had discussed with Ally.

        "Yes. A fantasy door!" I answered earnestly. After talking to Ally, I tried to calm down and took the time to reminisce about Norman and I's eight-year relationship.

        From the outside, my relationship with Norman looked really good. Everything looked beautiful. In fact, many were amazed at how we could survive such a long period of time holding on to just a promise. It was not wrong for me to say that it used to be something that many people envied. However, as I recalled all of Norman's words, voices and smiles that once made me happy, I had to admit something that I tried to deny for so long.

      "What is it?" Ally asked when she saw me hesitated to express what was locked in my heart. I took a deep breath before started to speak.

        "Everything beautiful between me and Norman has slowly disappeared over the past three years. In other words, during those eight years, the intimacy between us only lasted for five years. After that, our relationship changed a little bit. Norman is no longer the Norman I used to know. "

      "Only now do you realize it?"

      "It's been a long time, to be honest. I realized something was wrong with us over the last three years. However, I was being silent because I considered it a normal thing. I took it as a challenge for young couples like us. I tried to stay positive no matter what happened"

      "Trying to stay positive... Hmm... It's not as easy as we thought." said Ally.

        Yes. It was not an easy thing. But what kept me going? I asked myself many times. I wondered how I could possibly survive and stay positive for so many years? What really pushed me to go through difficult times with Norman whom to some extent turned into a cold and less sensitive person?

"Fantasy..." was the word that popped out of my mouth after thinking for a long time for the appropriate words to describe the situation.

"The answer is fantasy, Ally..."

"What do you mean?"

"When I think about it deeply, the answer is- because I love living in a fantasy. Living in the beautiful memories between me and Norman."

"For example?"

"Every time something wrong happened between us, I would go back into the world of memories that was so beautiful and dreamy which would then bring me into the world full of fantasy. I would tell myself that everything was going to be okay and beautiful moment of him and I will reappear. I also kept motivated myself, that whatever happened, it would end up well. But...."

***

    "Hi Ally! I'm sorry for disturbing you! I just want to let you know that I will be back to my hometown in JB today alright! Bye!" I left a voicemail for Ally because since this morning only those rough-voice-operator ladies that answered my calls to her.

"This Ally boy is so busy I don't even know what he's been up to since this morning!" I mumbled to myself.

I just met him at Dr. Love a few days before, tho.

"What should I do now?" I asked for Ally's opinion.

"Firstly, you need to know what your real problem is."

"I think it's been a long time since I've identified that..."

"You don't have to tell me what it is. Now let me try to conclude. What I'm saying is based on what I heard from you. Your first problem is Norman and the second one is career. Right or not?"

"Yes. That's right!" I nodded. Agreed with what Ally said.

"All right. All you have to do now is to solve your first problem which is Norman."

"Yes. If it's possible, I want to forget him. I want to get him out of my memory!"

"Do you know how you can forget him?"

"That's the problem, the more I try, the stronger my memory of Norman."

"Marina... I think it's good that you accept the reality that you can't possibly forget Norman. Even though when you're fifty years old."

"Huh? Is that all I need to do?" I asked. I was not convinced with the simple answer given by Ally.

"Yes. Accept the fact that love once existed between the two of you, but it is not permanent and you two are not destined to be together."

"It takes time, Ally..." Followed by a deep sigh by yours truly.

"That's right Marina. It does take time. In the first two years, you will definitely still be watching his movements and you will also still want to know Norman's progress."

"You're right... If you want to know, I'm still spying on him on Facebook and Twitter." In a shy smile, I confessed.

"Hah I knew it!" Ally laughed. "But I believe it, you will definitely meet someone new in no time! Trust me. You'll see."

"Yeah right... What if I still can't forget him in the next five, seven or nine years? What if during that period, I still have not even met anyone new? Oh noo!" For some reasons, I suddenly got panicked of that possibility.

"Oh Marina... See, once again you being panicked and negative. Let it go!

"Okay. Sorry Ally. I'll try to calm down and take a deep breath."

"Okay. The first problem will actually take some time to solve. You need to accept the fact that it has happened and do not be worried too much, for what you are experiencing is something normal. It is a common symptom for someone who's just broke up from the loved ones. After all, he existed in your life for quite some times. Eight years! If he was a baby, he would have been a second grader of middle school!"

I laughed at Ally's words.

" Now what about your second problem?" Ally asked.

"Work"

"Yes. Okay. Tell me what the real problem about it, is? Because I'm still unclear of it"

      "I'm actually still wondering what kind of job I should get into after the last one. I do not want a job that I would regret later. Especially after having a scary experience with Markonah at my last one."

      "It seems that after this, you need to carefully examine exactly what suits you. For now, in my opinion you do not care much if the salary is small. What is important is that the opportunity to grow is there. Now since you are still young and commitmentless, it is good that you build a career from below and  learn it the "street" way on your way up."

"I know. There are a lot of career opportunities in Kuala Lumpur. But I am still confused of which one is the best for me Ally."

"Hmm... In my opinion, you need to choose something that suits your personality and all the principles you hold."

"I agree. But in current situation, do they all matter Ally?"

"They do, Marina. This is not something that should be taken lightly because we spend more than half of our time in the day with work."

"Okay. I agree with what you said. But how do we know if something has to do with the personality and the principles we hold? It sounds easy but it is quite complex if you think about it."

"The answer is simple Marina. Now look back..."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like this. I believe most of us do not realize that many things that happen to us now are the result of our own actions. In the unconscious mind, we are the cause of it happening. For me, what happens to a person is the result of his own actions. If we want change, but we still have the same thoughts and attitudes, we will not get new things-the change. We will get the same old things. In each person, there must be something that becomes their principle. Most of it comes from the past and the exposure we received. Unconsciously, it controls us in our daily lives." Explained Ally at length.

"So what's that got to do with the past?" I'm a little confused.

"Our past is what makes us who we are today and I believe that is what influences our decisions and actions today. Early exposure that greatly affects who we are today. But, the past that I meant does not necessarily happened  ten or twenty years ago. Maybe it was things that happened just three, four or even five years ago. Maybe even just five months ago." Said Ally, ended it with a small laugh that was so entertaining to see.

      I was really impressed with what came out of Ally's mouth. I never thought he could think about it to that extent. He always been speaking from his  experience.

"Truttt... Trutt..." My cell phone rang.

"Hello Tia!" A close friend of mine whom I have known since school contacted me.

"Marina, where are you now? " Tia asked.

"Still on the bus."

"I thought you are already in JB. If so maybe we can meet for a moment!"

"Not yet. I will arrive in less than two hours."

"Well okay then. I'll see you later if the stars aligned. You are in a long holiday right?"

"Yes Tia. That's true. I'll see you later alright? If all is good, I'll come to your house tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

"Good! I love you! Okay Marina! Bye!"