Chapter 6 : Signal

While waiting for Norman who has yet to show up in front of the Sunway Pyramid entrance, I browsed through Beck’s album titled ‘Sea Change’ which had just been bought by a friend of mine who had just returned from overseas. It's for Norman, my fiancé I haven't seen in almost a month.

I sat him down on a bench and began to think about how my relationship with Norman could last for years despite the many things that had happened during that period. I went back for a moment to our past. Slowly I flipped through one by one the memories written in the pages of my mind. So, I concluded that my relationship with Norman lasted to those days because of our tastes in music. Yes! Because of the music. We had always loved to talk about music. US Billboard charts, Grammy Awards, record breakers and all sorts of other things related to music.

Throughout our relationship, I always gave him music records as gifts. Sometimes, he also gave me music records and interspersed them with books or novels. Later, we would talk about them in depth. That had often been the main topic of our conversation from the very beginning. 

I still remember the first record I gave him. It was 'Bounce' from Bon Jovi. Back then, I thought he liked the band as well as the kind of music they produce, but apparently Bon Jovi was not his cup of tea. Norman could enjoy their songs which mostly were easy on the ear and catchy but in his opinion, the group was neither revolutionary nor adventurous. But that was just his opinion. The fact that Bon Jovi was such a great band could not be denied by anyone. From then on, I was able to capture what Norman wanted musically.

"Hmm..." I sighed. Norman still hadn't arrived. I tried to contact him but no response was given. ‘Huh! This is very him...' I said in my heart. 'Maybe he forgot the ins and outs of Kuala Lumpur and Petaling Jaya'. But that was impossible unless he was bewitched or beaten so badly that it caused a concussion because it was only a month before he left the city, not a year! 

Norman had just returned from Seychelles for work. Known as an efficient restaurant manager, Norman was tasked with overseeing a team of specially trained chefs providing food for a month to Baby Bath Production crews involved in the production of the Seruan Pulau film (internationally known as The Island) directed by a famous director and actress Hanida Hasry. She also played the lead character in the film. It was her first directorial debut and it received widespread publicity from the media.

What made me want to meet Norman that night was because of my burning desire to find out what was really happening in Seychelles. Especially Hanida Hasry. The main factor was interest and the second factor was jealousy. Yes, yes. I admit I was jealous. Yes. Who wouldn't be jealous if his fiancée was asked by a beautiful and famous woman like Hanida solely to monitor a team of cook! "It's not wrong for you to feel suspicious. If I were you, I would have felt that way too, '' Gina told me when I told her about this. Although Hanida's fiancé Danish Fikri was in Seychelles as he also starred in the movie, I was still not satisfied. You know, anything could happen there in a month. Furthermore, Hanida herself asked Norman to accompany her. Imagine that! Hanida herself asked for it! So, I deserved some explanation from Norman just to clear my mind. I guess it was not too much, right?

"Hi Marina..." Norman greeted me cheerfully. Finally, he appeared ninety minutes later than the promised time. He looked as if he had not done anything wrong.

"Finally... Why are you late?''

"Sorry. I had to settle something. You know that I was going to be late for a minute or two, right?" Norman said. He just smiled. As if he really had been late for just a minute or two.

I did not know how to respond. Of course, I felt a little angry when I heard 'a minute or two' coming out of his mouth and when I thought about him who had something to be settled but chose not to call me and inform me about it. I took a deep breath.

'Avoid fighting. Let's focus on other things. Don't complicate simple things. It would be best to end the issue of 'who's late and who's early' ' I tried to coax myself. Changing a hot topic to a 'colder' or 'delicious' topic was a trick that I always used.

"So, where are you taking me for dinner?" Although at first we had planned to go to Bubba Gump, I asked Norman again because he sometimes forgot about his own plans.

"What if you decide the place," said Norman. That was it. That was a code. That was Norman's way of saying sorry. He would either buy me a gift or take me to lunch or dinner.

"I choose?" I asked just to be certain.

"Yes," he nodded.

Quickly, I tried to remember the list of foods that I had not tasted for seven and a half months. Finally, I decided that we would both eat Japanese food. What I liked most about Norman was that he was not really picky when it came to food. He agreed and we happily (especially me) went straight to Sakae Sushi.

While enjoying the food served, I asked the questions I had been thinking about and had been playing around in my head since his departure to Seychelles.

How was Seychelles? How about the shooting? What is it with Hanida? How is your relationship with Hanida? Did Hanida treat you well? Is she as obnoxious as reported? Has she ever done anything to you? Questions fired from my mouth like bullets. Bang! Bang! Bang!

"That’s a lot questions. Are you done?" asked Norman .

"Sorry, Norman. I know I've been asking a lot of questions," I laughed. "I heard all kinds of stories about Hanida in Seychelles. I just want to clarify. That's all. I have no other intention."

Norman smiled at me. He gave me a - you're jealous aren't you? - look.

''Oh yes. I heard you had left Zara and La Nona?" asked Norman. Actually I had not finished asking about Hanida yet but considering Norman has already started asking about things related to my life, I told myself 'This is what I want! Norman has just asked me about my life! Which is rare. So enjoy the moment. Play the role you always play in this relationship. Forget about Hanida! Forget about her now!'

"Yes. That is true... how do you know? I was going to tell you about it."

"I read blogs..."

"Oh. Blogs…"

''Yes,'' replied Norman. ''But I don't know how true that was. You know stories tend to grow greater with each telling.”

''I agree.''

''So, tell me what really happened."

It was not a fun topic to talk about. Zara, La Nona, pulling hair and Norah. Enough to make me drop my optimism altogether. But it was better than Norman didn't care at all, right? It was Norman's request. As my fiancé, he had to know about it. So, what I needed to do was just telling him what happened from A to Z. I was glad that I managed to kept him laughing throughout the story.

''I thought the part where Zara splashed water to Shazlin's face and pulled Shazlin's hair was untrue,'' said Norman. As if he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

''It was all true, Norman.''

''So all those bloggers didn't make it up. Unbelievable.'' Norman shook his head.

''No they didn't. Everything written was true. It just that my name was not included in the story.''

"You wish you could share the spotlight, huh?" Norman laughed again. I just smiled at Norman who seemed so entertained by everything I told. "Oh yeah! What did you bring? Is there a new CD for me?" asked Norman. He pointed to the plastic bag containing the Beck's CD.

"Yes. I just bought it. But it was released years ago. 2002"

"Single? Or an album?"

"Album," I passed the CD to Norman.

"Wow. Sea Change from Beck. It's his magnum opus. Have you listened to it?"

"Yes. I've listened about five times ''

"So what do you think about it?" asked Norman.

"4 stars out of 5," I said with confidence. This was one of my favourite moments with Norman. We both sat down talking about music and all the bad things that happened to us were forgotten.

Norman never told me this, but I believe one of the reasons he was interested in me was music. I never knew how to describe it before and I could be wrong but inadvertently, I also drew Norman's attention to me with music.

It all happened when the 'signal' I replied to Norman was not returned with the response I was expecting. When that happened, I started thinking of ways to get Norman's attention. In my opinion, to get someone's attention, I had to understand their world and try to impress them with my knowledge of the interesting things of their world. Prior to our relationship, Norman had given me a signal. I read it as he was interested in me but as soon as I responded to the signal, he seemed to distance himself from me. Such a reaction made me think that he was just gaming. Maybe, there was something wrong with the way I replied to his signal and he did not see it as a good response. Maybe I scared him with those signals. Whatever the reason, what Norman did, had really challenged me. I knew there were some people who consider such a thing as a fun game and I thought maybe that was what Norman tried to do. I did not want to be a victim. To be honest, I felt challenged and ashamed. However, did Norman really think that way? Did he intentionally give me the signal and ignore it when replied back? Was he really playing around? I had no choice, I had to get rid of those questions and I had to delve into Norman's mind as well as his friends. I wanted to know who Norman really was and his world. Most importantly, I wanted to know what he thought of me.

Since we did not have the opportunity to meet often, there was only one way I could do at that time which was by stalking Norman and his friends at the living skills workshop which was where Norman and his five other friends hung out after they were done with sports practice. My plan then was to listen to what they were talking about. Perhaps they were talking about me. I was not alone then, my best friend at school, Tia, enthusiastically offered to help and accompany me. At first, I was nervous. However, we were ready for any eventuality. We did it for almost a month and I heard a lot of things from their conversations. They talked about school, football, acne, hair, hair shampoo, hair conditioner, hair serum, hair colour, perfume, girls (my name was not mentioned), men's things (Tia tried hard not to laugh when she heard about this while we were stalking them and this was a topic she liked the most) and many more.

But the best part from the secret inquiry was when I heard Norman singing and playing Pearl Jam’s songs on guitar. Not only hit songs like Last Kiss, but non-radio hits like Love Boat Captain and Cropduster from the Riot Act album. 

I was not really a fan of Pearl Jam but my family and I once visited my uncle and at the time, my cousin was playing the Riot Act album. That was how I knew that the songs Norman had sung were Pearl Jam’s.

So, when I heard Norman sang the band's songs, my curiosity about Pearl Jam continued to grow. From that moment, I was able to understand myself more. I began to understand what kind of person I saw every day in the mirror. When I am attracted to someone, I want to go deep into their world. How they live, feel, think and everything!

A strong attraction to Norman has made me a Pearl Jam fan. I started listening to Pearl Jam songs on Yahoo! Music and then bought all of their studio albums one by one.

I took the Pearl Jam cassettes everywhere I went to in the hope that I would meet Norman and I could pretend to drop the cassettes in front of him. Then we can start talking. Until now, I will definitely laugh at myself when I remember of what I was trying to do. I had merely imitated what I saw in a movie. But the movie just gave me a vision. Unfortunately it was not supported by my reality. And I know that reality is full of surprises and it always takes us to places or situations that we do not expect.

The story of Pearl Jam, Norman and I might have started when I heard Norman singing at the living skills workshop. However, it grew into something deeper when I came across him at the MPH bookstore in City Square, Johor Bahru. Unfortunately, to my dismay, I did not bring the Pearl Jam tapes. I wanted to curse, but found myself crying instead. I was angry at myself for not bringing the cassettes with me. 

For a moment I stood motionless, almost did not know what to do.  'What do I need to do? Should I say ‘hi’? Should I just ignore him and pretend like nothing has happened?' I asked myself. Like Jimmy Neutron and his brain blast, I forced my brain to think out of the box and voila! I decided to hum and sing 'I Am Mine' slowly while pretending to look for a book.

The logic? So that Norman would realize that we had a lot in common. I also knew a lot about Pearl Jam. That was the logic behind my plan. Norman, who was four racks away from me at the time, was aware of my presence. We looked at each other. For a moment, Norman looked surprised. I, on the other hand, pretended to be surprised by his presence. Then, he smiled at me. He picked up a copy of Rolling Stone magazine from the shelf and walked away.

That night, I could not sleep. Premonitions came into my mind. I could not stop thinking about Norman. ‘What Norman was thinking at the time? What was the meaning behind his smile? Would he question my interest in Pearl Jam? Ah! My monologue was getting longer and longer.

The next day, I received a message from an unknown number and when the sender had done puzzling with me over - who was he? Where did he come from, he introduced himself. I could not explain how I felt when he introduced himself as Norman. I found myself completely elated, to realise that the decision to hum and sing ‘I Am Mine’ was a smart move. I still remember some of the details.

''Hi Marina! What are you doing?'' asked Norman as soon as I picked up the call.

''Reading comics."

"Shin Chan?"

"Shin Chan? What makes you think I like reading Shin Chan, Norman?"

"Oh no?" he laughed.

"No. Paul Auster Comics ''

"Oh Paul Auster. That absurd one," said Norman. I was impressed that he knew who Paul Auster was and his absurd works.

"Do you know about Auster? You like him?"

"No."

"So. What is your obsession now?"

"You mean other than reading about world war and politics?" Norman asked.

"Yes. Apart from those things," I said accompanied by a small laugh. 

"Pearl Jam..." answered Norman.

"Oh. Pearl Jam .. What album are you listening to now?" I asked. Hoping that he would answer the Riot Act album.

"I listen to Riot Act, Marina."

"I love that album." 

"Really?" Norman asked. I could hear excitement from his voice.

"Yes. That's right. I've heard the whole album."

"So how would you rate Riot Act?"

"I’d give four stars out of five," I said confidently.

"Wow. That’s a good rating, Marina"

"Yes, because it is that good. So Norman. What song do you like from Riot Act?"

"I love Love Boat Captain, I Am Mine and Bush Leaguer. How about you Marina?''

''I like Love Boat Captain! ''

"Good choice. Stone Gossard guitar is haunted isn't it?"

"Only Gossard? How about McCready?"

"Oh yes! Who can forget about Mike McCready?" said Norman in admiration. We kept talking about Crodpuster, Ghost, Wanted To Get Right, 1/2 Full and a few more tracks from the Pearl Jam album. Starting from that moment, our relationship began. It all happened because of 'Pearl Jam '. Although it had started a long time with the wrong signals but Pearl Jam helped speed it up.