I planned to go to Sarawak with Gina but before that, I had a chance to go to Tia's sister, Dilla's engagement ceremony in Johore. We departed for Sarawak as soon as the event ended.

          "Do you think Tia's sister is really going to marry her fiancé?" asked Gina a moment after we took off. That question was so random and unexpected.

          "Why are you even asking me that question?"

          "Honestly, I overheard Dila's conversation with Tia this morning."

          "Overheard? Okay, how was that possible, Gina?"

          "I was under Tia's bed at that time."

          "What were you doing under her bed? That's freaky."

          "I was looking for my earring. It's gone because I couldn't find it anyway," explained Gina rubbing one of her ear lobes.

          "Okay now let me guess when you were under the bed searching, they both came in and talked. Am I right?"

          "Smarty-pants!"

          "So. What did you hear?"

          "Dila got in the room first. I think she was taking a break as I could hear she was taking a deep breath quite a few times. Then, came Tia. She closed the door and they started talking," Gina carefully told me.

          "What was it about?"

          "Be patient please..."

         "Your intro takes forever..."

         "Tia asked her if she was really serious with the engagement, as she could see that Dila did not seem all for it."

          "Oh...So what did Dilla say?"

         "She told Tia that she was okay with it. She accepted it. She believed her parents' choice was the best for her."

         "Hmm...what did Tia say, hearing that?"

          "She said, nobody could push her for anything. If Dilla did not feel good about the engagement, it would be best if she talked up about it. Tia asked her to think through about it and not to rush any decision. She still got time in her hands."

          To be quite honest, I was not really surprised by what Gina had told me. Knowing Dilla, she was an obedient child. Whatever her parents asked or suggested, she followed them without any objection. Sometimes, it seemed to me like she had never prioritized herself. Tia had once told me about this too. She was worried that Dila put her life too much in the hands of her parents.

         Well to me, there was nothing really wrong with that. Maybe Dila had the same vision as her parents, sharing the same views and perspectives about this life, hence making it look like she just blindly followed anything the parents said. To me, they were actually sharing many things in common. That made them appear like a good team and honestly, I had never seen Dilla being told by her parents to do any bad things. After all, every parent wants the best for their kids, right?

         Tia on the other hand was on the opposite ground. To her, there should be a point where the children must be able to fly solo and have all the freedom to decide for their lives and I was all for that too, to be frank. Like the majority of the other young generation, we had been raised in a culture where the children would someday no longer live under their parents' wings. I used to be even more extreme about it honestly but I would never shove the concept into other people's mouths and make them follow my way. If Dila thought it was not for her, then by all means please continue with what made her happy. Firstly, it was none of my business, and secondly, I felt like Dila was taking her relationship with her parents as a partnership.

          No matter what she decided, it was her choice. Contrary to popular belief, 'Arranged Marriage' is not necessarily a bad thing. To me, this was just about the difference of opinion between two sisters. I did not think it was wrong for Dila to be following her parents' suggestion. Life was all about making choices. Sometimes, the reality called for unfavourable decisions from us and that was very normal. I might have been thinking and talking about Dila half the journey. But at the back of my head, I kept thinking about my own situation, in which I had a decision to make for myself. And that was the very reason I had flown to Sarawak.

         When I was with Tia, I had a chance to talk about what had happened to me.

         "I still remember when you broke up with Norman back then. You were such a mess! You lost everything you had. Your job, money, love... Phew!" Tia shook her head, remembering those dark times.

          "Oh, please... Don't remind me of that time again. I hit rock bottom!"

          "But it was the real moment when you started to change. Or maybe we can call it 'The Metamorphosis Stage of Marina'? Then you broke the cocoon and came out as a big, colourful butterfly flying free here and there. You looked very happy with your life and you navigated it as you wish!

          "Now what about Daniel and Eddie, Marina? Which one do you really like?" Tia changed the subject.

          "Both!" I gave my answer in no time.

          " Marina! You can't be serious!" Tia hit me with a small pillow. "All right..which one is love, and which one is lust?"

         "Well, do they have to come in a separate package? It has to start with a desire and then the love will spark later, right?" I gave her my hypothesis.

          "Hmm... fair enough. But which one that you feel is like the Yin to your Yang?"

          "Hmmm..."

          "See, you can't even answer that simple question, Marina. Maybe you just 'like' them. But to be with one of them for the rest of your life...You can't even decide on that."

          "But they both make me happy! Especially with Eddie. We are really on the same wavelength. We were both raised in the same environment and we share lots of things in common."

          "So...the final rose is for Eddie?"

          I just smiled at that.

          "Okay...no matter what your decision is, I think you understand the signal given to you now."

          "Signal..."

          "Yes. The signal. It tells us that sometimes there is a reason for someone to come into our lives. And I think for these two guys, only you have the answer."

          "I think from this, the main reason is so I could understand and appreciate myself more."

          "Wow! That sounds like a quote. Where did you get it?" asked Tia. She looked so funny with that fake impressive face she made.

          "That's mine okay! No plagiarism here..."

***************************

          When in Sarawak, I used all the time I had to try to reflect on my life back. I realized at the time, there was a junction right in front of me. I had lost something and I had to choose because what I had in front of me were the choices that came down to me, as a replacement for the one that I had lost before.

          For sure, to make the choice, I had to open the old book and go through one by one of its pages. The pages of memories, from the moment I knew him at school until his proposal the other day.

          So were on Daniel and Eddie.

          All three of them had different characteristics and opinions about this life, as well as about relationships.

          But deep within my heart, I still could not let Norman go. Maybe because we had been together for so long that had my heart had been a car, he would no longer rent it, but he would own it. All I knew, he had such a big impact on me and my life, big enough to even leave some psychological dynamics in me when he left.

          On the other hand, Daniel and Eddie, really made me feel so happy and appreciated. In just a short amount of time, they managed to transform me into this brand new person with such a fresh, new perspective on this life. One thing was for sure, all three of them taught me something about life, all in different ways.

          With Daniel, my confidence is now overflowing. He helped me identify my own potential that I never knew existed before.

          Eddie, made me feel very appreciated. With him, I was one hundred per cent in my own skin. I did not have to pretend to be someone else to impress him. I could just be myself and be accepted for who I am. And that was refreshing!

          I knew the change that I made with my career was going to leave a huge impact on my own life. A job to me is not just to make sure you are not going to die hungry. It is your identity, the shining reflection of your soul.

          Staying at Hey meant I could see the potential of me getting close to Daniel back. After everything he told me about his broken relationship with Jennifer the other day, I could see that he was trying to fix things with me. It was just that he never said anything that would be like a declaration of our relationship. Making it official. But I understood his situation. He might be afraid and still traumatic by the past relationship. Even though he let me go, I could see that it came from such a heavy heart. But to think of it, Hey was a great place for me. What was the point of leaving such a promising place like it, for something vague like Lataya?