PERCEIVED DEFICITS

Tia felt like an outsider in this noisy city of Kuala Lumpur. She was used to the gentler air of her home town of Ipoh. The pace of life was slower back home. Tia was a hard-working and ambitious girl, determined to make her mark on the world of design, but her polite, easygoing nature and inborn shyness made her feel like a wallflower in the midst of this brash, noisy, attention-grabbing crowd.

Tia had come to Kuala Lumpur with the same dreams that brought so many young women like her to that city. Leaving behind the safety of family and friends, she landed a job at a small design studio; her talent for creating beautiful spaces quickly recognised. But she couldn’t seem to fit in. She watched as her colleagues, an exuberant bunch, went out together every night, their laughter filling the office, their inside jokes rich and numerous. Tia was left on the edges of the social whirl, her voice barely audible.

One day, as Tia was working on a new project, her colleague Maya leaned over her. ‘This is so boring,’ she said dismissively. ‘I don’t know how you can do stuff like this. It’s so basic.’ 

Tia’s stomach knotted. Maya’s words were piercing, the way she said it like it didn’t matter, her casual dismissal chipping away at Tia’s self-worth. It was like everyone in the office took their cues from Maya, who was known as the ‘queen bee’; she held sway over them all. This was the moment when Tia drew the line.

That night in her small apartment, Tia was suddenly flooded with anger and pain as she realised that Maya’s words were due to her own insecurity and that Maya was choosing to be negative to feel better about herself by putting others down. Tia felt how she’d allowed Maya’s words to define her and to make her feel less valuable.

But this time, she refused to let that happen.

The following morning, Tia awoke determined that her sense of self-worth would not be a casualty of Maya’s snideness. Her talent alone and her dedication were sufficient proof of her worth as a human being. She began by setting limits. She politely but firmly refused to discuss anything that bothered her, insisting that she would not be the target of Maya’s barbs. She did her work and did it with passion, immersing herself in every project and finding the kinds of quiet joys that come from creating beauty.

She also learnt to love herself. She began to focus not on her perceived deficits but began to appreciate all that was good about her, such as her attention to detail, her commitment, and her quiet observance. She began to walk in the gardens that surrounded her apartment. She found in nature the beauty of the quiet. She began reading self-help books and articles on self-esteem and self-realisation.

With that, Tia began to shift the way she saw herself and the world around her. She started seeing the good in her colleagues, seeing them as creative and kind. She also began seeing the good in Maya, recognising that much of the woman’s negativity came from her own sense of inadequacy.

Then one day, Maya went to Tia. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, in a quieter voice than she’d ever heard her. ‘I was being thoughtless. Your work is beautiful. You’re so talented.

Confident, Tia smiled back. ‘Thanks,’ she replied. ‘I appreciate that. But it’s also true that you hurt my feelings with those comments, and I don’t need to put up with being shamed like that. I respect your opinion, but I’m not prepared to be put down.’ 

Maya nodded a respect that she hadn’t had for Tia before. They didn’t become best friends. But Tia’s days no longer felt tainted by negative energy. She now had confidence that came from inside herself. 

Tia went on to flourish in her career and was eventually recognised for her talent and hard work. Her worth was not dependent on the opinion of someone else. It was defined by her own dedication to her dreams and her own belief in herself. She had learnt to draw boundaries. She had learnt to love herself and those around her who loved her back. She was no longer afraid of the big city; she stepped onto that stage in Kuala Lumpur. The once-shy country girl was heard. She was found. She had it all within herself.