Chapter 2: The Candidates and Their Feuds

Kampung Sentosa had never seen this much excitement since the time a cow escaped from the local pasar malam and rampaged through the town square. But today, there were no runaway cows—just a different kind of chaos. The town hall's bulletin board, usually reserved for notices about lost pets, wedding invitations, and "Jual Kereta Saga 1997 - Masih Boleh Jalan", had a new announcement:

SENARAI RASMI CALON MAJLIS BANDAR KAMPUNG SENTOSA

1.Mak Cik Timah (Warung Timah Coalition)

2.Uncle Wong (Sentosa Sejahtera Party)

3.Johan (Independent - "For The People!")

4.Azri (Sentosa Maju Youth Movement)

5.Hassan (Independent - "No Slogan. No Problem.")

The names alone were enough to spark heated arguments across town.

“Mak Cik Timah is the only one who cares about the people!” her loyal supporters declared.

“Uncle Wong has money. That means he can actually fix things!” countered his business allies.

“Johan is young and full of ideas!” his friends said, conveniently ignoring that most of his ideas made no sense.

“Azri is modern! We need a leader who understands TikTok!” some teenagers yelled.

Meanwhile, nobody mentioned Hassan.

*****

The First Showdown: Mak Cik Timah vs. Uncle Wong

Mak Cik Timah and Uncle Wong had been at war long before this election. The problem was that they both dominated the town’s food scene.

Mak Cik Timah’s warung was legendary. Her nasi lemak was known to cure heartbreak, hangovers, and even mild cases of depression. But Uncle Wong’s kopitiam had the best kaya toast in town. Both had fiercely loyal customers, and neither was willing to lose.

Their feud had started years ago over who was the first to open a business in Kampung Sentosa.

"I was here first!" Mak Cik Timah always claimed.

"No, I was here before you!" Uncle Wong would argue.

"Lies! I saw your shop being renovated in 1987!"

"That was my grandfather's!"

Their rivalry had escalated in absurd ways over the years. Once, when Mak Cik Timah started offering "free teh tarik refills", Uncle Wong responded with "buy one, free one." When Uncle Wong put up an LED sign outside his kopitiam, Mak Cik Timah installed a gigantic hand-painted banner that blocked his view.

Now, they were both running for council, and their fight had reached new heights.

Mak Cik Timah’s campaign posters mysteriously disappeared within an hour of being put up.

Uncle Wong’s banners were suddenly repainted with rude messages overnight.

Both sides denied responsibility.

"Maybe your posters flew away," Uncle Wong said, sipping his kopi.

"Maybe your banners insulted themselves," Mak Cik Timah shot back.

The town braced itself. This war was just getting started.

*****

Johan vs. Common Sense

Johan was a different kind of problem. While the other candidates had strategies, plans, and supporters, Johan had confidence, optimism, and very little logic.

"What's your campaign about, Johan?" a reporter asked.

"I want to make Kampung Sentosa... FUN!" he declared.

"Okay... But how?"

"More festivals! More fireworks! More public holidays!"

"You can't just declare public holidays, Johan."

"Why not? The people deserve a break!"

Johan's campaign posters featured him doing random things—eating cendol, posing with a cat, and even sitting on a swing while looking mysterious. His slogan, "For The People!", didn't actually explain what he was offering the people. But he had a big following, mostly because he was entertaining.

His biggest election promise? "FREE BUBBLE TEA FOR STUDENTS WHO GET A's!"

Teenagers loved it. Parents hated it.

"We want better schools, Johan! Not sugar!" a frustrated father scolded.

"Let me tell you something, sir—bubble tea makes people happy. Happy people do better in school!" Johan grinned.

"...That makes absolutely no sense."

*****

Azri vs. The Internet

Azri was the youngest candidate, and he was convinced that social media was the future of politics. While everyone else put up banners and shook hands at the market, Azri focused on hashtags, TikTok trends, and viral marketing.

"People trust what they see online!" he told his campaign team.

Unfortunately, his first attempt backfired.

Azri posted a TikTok campaign video where he danced while listing his policies. The video exploded—but not for the right reasons. Within hours, people across Malaysia were mocking his moves. Memes popped up. Someone even edited the video so that he was dancing to dangdut music instead.

"We went viral!" his assistant cheered.

"Bro... they're laughing at me, not supporting me." Azri groaned.

To make things worse, Azri's second attempt at social media politics—an Instagram live session—ended in disaster when his younger cousin interrupted him by yelling:

"BANG, MAK SURUH BALIK! DIA TAK KISAH KAU JADI YB, DIA NAK KAU TOLONG CUCI TANDAS!"

The livestream ended immediately.

*****

Hassan vs. Nobody (Because Nobody Noticed Him)

Then there was Hassan.

Nobody knew much about him. He never attended town meetings. He never made speeches. He didn’t have a campaign team.

Yet, somehow... his name was on the ballot.

When people asked him why he was running, he simply shrugged.

"Why not?"

Hassan never put up posters. Never handed out flyers. Never even tried to introduce himself.

And that’s what made people uneasy.

"How did he get enough nominations to qualify?"

"Who’s actually voting for him?"

"What if... he’s working for someone else?"

Rumors spread like wildfire. Some people believed Hassan was secretly a genius political strategist. Others were convinced he was just a distraction.

But the most popular theory?

That he had already won before the election even started.

*****

The Battle Lines Were Drawn

With the candidates officially in the race, the town split into five chaotic factions.

Mak Cik Timah's supporters hung out at her warung, defending her as if she were the true guardian of Kampung Sentosa.

Uncle Wong’s team, mostly business owners, planned to outspend everyone else on marketing.

Johan’s fans were mostly young people who wanted free stuff.

Azri’s followers were online warriors who believed memes could change the world.

And Hassan’s... well, nobody knew if he even had supporters.

The election had just begun, and Kampung Sentosa was about to experience its most ridiculous political war yet.