I hate myself.

Everytime they hurt me,

And I choose to just laugh along,

And pretended that I'm okay,

When actually I'm not,

I hate myself. 

Whenever I want someone,

But someone else wanted him too,

I can't seems to stay anymore,

As I'm unable to hurt a stranger,

But it seems easier for me to hurt myself,

I hate myself. 

Yesterday I realised,

That no one ever asked what I want,

Nor do they ever care,

That I subconsciously, 

Even when now I'm past 20's,

Bought everything that I used to want when I was a child,

What I realised was, That I'm such a pathetic and lonely child,

I hate myself.

One thing that I remember too much was, 

Asking them to buy me a calculator, 

Because it's needed for school,

And it's the first time that I ever asked for something,

Yet they ignored it,

It was when I'm 13,

Only for me to get it when I was 16, 

By some stranger, 

Because she pitied me, 

On how I tried to solve calculus without calculator,

Fuck life,

I hate my pathetic self. 

That's why I will never ever be dependent on anyone,

Even If it means dead end.