liyana,

It is supposed to be your birthday today.

There was this video you sent to me a couple of years back when you visited Michigan to attend an ex-classmate wedding ceremony. It was the video of you having dinner at some posh Michelin star restaurant serving all sorts of interesting foods.

In it, you looked beautiful. Hair tied back. Vivid red painted lips. Single shoulder strapped little black dress that I think you must have purchased for the dinner. It was a special occasion for you, to finally be able to afford to have your dinner there. You said you used to stand and admire this fancy restaurant from afar when you were just a student.

You were sheepishly eating this funny-looking edible helium balloon. It popped and part of it got plastered to your cheek. You could not contain your laughter. I heard your friends laughing too. You looked very happy. And amused.

I wished I could have eaten part of that sticky balloon off your cheek. Or just anything off your sexy face.

I played that video on repeat.

***

‘Sayang, I have never left you.

Sayang, How do I even begin to tell you.’

Your words, in the accompanying messages. Meant to soothe me from the separation that I had to endure during your week-long vacation in Michigan.

I kept staring at it. Hearing your voice again and again in my head.

Gently lulling me to sleep.

Happy birthday liyana.

chairil